iDEATE
Doodling my heart out about all things 'creative' ...
Thursday, January 15, 2009
St. Valentine and the art of sexual politics
Gifts are funny things. When you are besotted with a problem as difficult as having to decide on the right gift for a loved one, your arse lets out a low whistle. For people who have no clue on what’s gonna make the recipient go, “Awwwwwwwww, what a great gift baby”; life can be torturous indeed. Valentines makes me shit bricks, as I usually have no clue on what’s going to get me those extra brownie points with my girl. True we share the same love for reading and books. But gifting her the literary version of ‘Gone with the wind’ every single time, will morph dimpled madame into one of those Stephanie Meyers vampires! Some food for thought that, given the fact that I’m the sissy between the both of us! So homing back to the dilemma of gifting, and with St. Valentine’s day inching closer (anyone ever wondered whether and how Valentine and Cupid are related to each other. And if they actually are a part of the same family tree that ate, spake and slept ‘love’!), I’m definitely not shitting what my tum’s been digesting.
I would like to believe that both Archies (the card store) and Valentine had an affair of some sort. You know, the ‘will-help-us-both-professionally-if-we-slept-together’ kinda fling. Let me not even speculate about the gender of Archies as that would open up a whole can of gay worms (‘gay’ as in ‘happy. Duh!) and halve my readership (if there’s any!). Anyways, they both saw the professional rhyme and reason to rip each others clothes off, and do ‘do’ it. They beget ‘Hallmark’ and said that their offspring was more conniving than them, when it came to ripping lovers off their money, come birthdays and anniversaries. Hallmark learnt the con act on his (or is it ‘her’?!) own, and pretty soon had a thriving business of his own. The parents now decided enough is enough and decided to stake their claim to the title of, ‘the world’s biggest loooooooooooove-fraudsters’. They faked orgasms regularly to give people the impression that they were doing it, not just on Feb 14th, but round the year. Lovey-dovey couples went “Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwww”, and decided that they had found the right marriage (not in the ‘nuptial’ sense, but in a ‘sexual’ way) to eulogise. One thing led to another, and voila; I FOUND MYSELF IN ARCHIES, LUGGING MY SMIRKING TUSH BEHIND ME, IN SEARCH OF THAT RIGHT VALENTINE'S GIFT.
Last heard, both the con-sters (is that even a word?) were vacationing in the Caribbean. St Valentine with St. Nicholas (our beloved ‘Santa’, who else!), teaching him a trick or two about money-making and marriage (again the ‘sexual’ and not ‘nuptial’ one!). And Archies with George Bush (who’s like right now, wasted away in the Caribbean, moping over the end of his atrocious regime, and wondering how to serenade his dog as humans can’t stand him) to try and get him into bed. Carla Bruni was no muck with the sexual ball was she, as she’s inspired a whole legion of fans to hit on head-of-states and EX-head-of-states, and snowball into limelight. As for poor ole me, I’m still playing out this weird fantasy in my head, as I rummage through Archies' shelves, in search of that PURR-FECT gift. God be with me, in this moment of crisis!
Happy Gifting for the Valentine season, everyone :)

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posted by Mister Avant Garde @ 2:04 AM  
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Name: Mister Avant Garde
Home: Bangalore, Karnataka, India
About Me: Have just started making money... Done studying (gosh, and to believe, i started this sojourn when i was all of three)... That's a lot of time i have spent cooped up within a classroom... Shucks, no wonder my DNA reeks of chalk powder!
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